Ok, so it's later than promised, but it's here now. I'm going to post for you all. *cue fanfare*

Gosh, I don't even know what to say. I guess life is pretty swell. Mostly I'm pretty okay, but I think I'm starting to become bored with the world at the moment, which is always a bad sign. The worst things happen when I'm discontent. Let's hope I can control myself :D

I heard the new AFI single 'Medicate' today. TOPS. I'm so excited for Crash Love (the new album). Speaking of music, HIM's new album is set for release at the beginning of 2010. This is also tops. Oh, and Cobra Starship's new album is odd. The track 'Nice Guys Finish Last' sounds so much like Britney Spear's 'Womanizer', it's creepy.

Um. So I got a haircut. I don't know if I like it
.

Baaaaaaaaah

Ok, so everybody (ie JJ) is getting back into LJ, so I'm going to jump on the bandwagon, only I have to go to school first.

I'm going to post when I get home, promise.

I know I haven't posted in FOREVER, but this question made me want to embrace LJ again, because there are so many schools I would want to attend. (HOGWARTS WILL NEVER BE ONE OF THEM)

Sunnydale High - Because I'd totally make friends with Buffy and slay a vampire and get in good with Spike. So there.

St Trinians - Nuff said

The school from Hannah Montana - Because Miley will be there.

One of the Towers from the 'Witches of Eileanan" series - Because then I could have magical powers and I'd be awesome.

East High - Prepare for a lynching Matilda. It's the school from High School Musical... what can I say, Zac Efron is a babe.

The school from Escape The Fate's "Situations" video - BECAUSE OMG GREATEST SCHOOL EVER.

I love these schools. Which schools do you love?

Lately I've been feeling fairly down, I will admit this. I have been dwelling too much on the thought that everything ends, and I'm just generally burnt out from my emotional bender that I let myself to go through after breaking up with Graeme.

It all started with me knowing that everything ends, love, life, my cup of tea, everything. So I employed the Kurt Cobain philosophy, "It's better to burn out than fade away." I made a lot of mistakes, but I learned a lot about the people around me too, and found out that someone who I thought was my friend, was really anything but.

I got hurt, emotionally and physically, and I enjoyed it because I hadn't felt so free in a year. But now I'm coming down, and it just feels like hurt.

I relied too much on Nikki. I basically made her the only thing holding me up. It's hard to explain in the right magnitude. Lately I've been mad with uncontrollable envy and spite because I've realised I cannot do that, because Nikki can't always be there for me and me alone.

I can't concentrate on anything. I can't focus. I've lost all my confidence. All I can seem to do is smoke more and more and wish things were different.

You know, in the spongebob movie, when he's raging?
That's how I feel.

I'm all jealous and sad and just want someone to scream at and cry with and hug.

So last night there was this 80's themed disco at my sister's school to raise money for their fete. I was pretty excited, as it my deepest regret that I was not born in the 80s. I dressed up (admittedly, the outfit was something I'd wear normally) and so did Mum (in something she would not wear normally) and Laura, and we went down the road full of jubilant expectations.



We got there half an hour late expecting a tonne of people to already be there. As it goes the good people of Kambah do not care for the 80s, and so it was a small turn out. Really small. Embarrassingly so. And to make it all the worse, we were basically the only ones dressed up. My mother nearly died of embarrassment, despite the fact that in my red skinny legs and Joel's bright yellow freshie shirt she looked hotter than any of the obese moles there. I love my mum.

The morbidly obese 12 year old at the door taking money laughed at us. Had she not been a child I would have told her to lose some weight.

So we went in and were like "Yeah ok.... *sits down awkwardly whilst everybody stares at us*" and I turned to Mum and said "If I start to make loud offensive comments, don't say I didn't warn you."

Then band came on, and the guitarist/singer immediately went into my category of Fattest People I Have Ever Seen. I tried to convince my sister to go up and request that he and he alone sing 'Like A Virgin.' But alas my mum wouldn't let her. They started playing and while they sounded alright and played upbeat songs you could dance to, they didn't play ANYTHING which could be considered iconically 80s. I bought a hotdog and some chocolate and Mum and I sat and made fun of the whole thing, including all the fat ugly parents that were there.

Then the band were like "Ok, we're going to go now so the other band can set up. Thanks guys." So we sat around, and there was a cd playing of CURRENT POPULAR SONGS. One of which was 'Clothes Off' by Gym Class Heroes. I'll just mention that this was a disco for primary school aged children.  WE HAVE TO TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. INAPPROPRIATE MUCH?

Can somebody please explain to me also, why they were playing those kind of songs at an 80s disco????? *rage*

I will admit that at this point I started singing 'Faith' by George Michael at the top of my lungs.

A bit later a band starts playing THAT IS THE SAME BAND FROM BEFORE ONLY WITH A DIFFERENT GUITARIST!!! The fat guy went and sat down and the girl became the lead singer and ARGH. So they start playing songs and every song is a slow song. Nobody could dance. They finished one song and I yelled out "Play some Wham!" and the drummer laughed. It is no laughing matter. We left at like 8.30, and they were playing "Roxanne" and I lost it and was like "HOW IS THIS APPROPRIATE" to the assistant principal as I walked past him.

Worst 80s disco ever and a massive waste of a great outfit. I am hereby planning my own 80s party.

The highlight of my night was shoving too much hotdog into my mouth and not having room in my mouth to chew, and my mum making laugh so I was laughing hysterically while trying to swallow the hotdog.

The End.

Males of Canberra.

It has come to my attention that you are all lacking entirely in everything that makes a girl want to be with you.

I personally would like a guy who can stand up for himself, a guy who can be a man about things effectively. Because to be honest, all the guys I know may as well have vaginas. There's nothing wrong with being emotional, but when I have a bigger dick than you, there is a problem. Sometimes I would like to be able to take off the metaphorical pants and hand them over to you. Sometimes I want to not have to protect you.

Also, it wouldn't hurt if you all put some more effort into your appearance. Just putting it out there.

Matilda.

P.S. Guy in Belconnen interchange that I walked past today, I love you. I will forever regret yelling about that girl in gross tights and not stopping to speak to you. I wish we could stand under a bridge somewhere and smoke cigarettes together. We'll move to Finland and have strapping sons. Yours always, Matilda.

So last night I went to work and whilst I didn't want to work last night because I wasn't excited about who I was working with, it was actually quite a cool shift.

I got to work and Fred was there because his shift was just finishing and he told me the greatest news.

Jacquie, that state manager that ruins my life every time I hear her name because she's the world's biggest bitch and is so condescending and mean and makes me feel shit about myself, is now head of gear, so she will no longer be ruining my life. Best shift ever already.

Then someone somewhere broke embargo on the new AC/DC album so we got to sell it and we played it in the shop.

Then I got two Mamma Mia pre-orders in the space of about 10 minutes. Go me.

And I ran into Dominic G from primary school. He comes in sometimes and he's always really nice, so that was cool.

Then I put on Jonas Brothers because I love them. And this guy came up and told me he liked the Jonas Brothers and we talked about how much we both love them, then I helped him out with a poster, so then he told me I was a really good sales person and I was a lovely person and stuff, which totally made my day.

Then another guy bought the Jonas Brother's cd and I said to him "Are you a fan or is this for somebody else?" and he was like "No, I'm definitely a fan." and the greatest thing was he was good looking and as far as I could tell, straight. So we talked about the Jonas Brothers and Busted and Fightstar for a while and smiled flirtatiously at each other. But then I had to serve other customers. Lame. But oh well, it was awesome while it lasted.

I also bought Spice World The Movie. And watched it when I got home. YAY. and I got the two Gyroscope albums that I didn't have (the two better ones) 'Sound Shattering Sound' and 'Are You Involved?' in a double pack for like $11 on my discount. Best day ever.

The only lame thing was my fucking battle to buy 'Dark Light' by HIM. Right so every time I go to buy this album it's like a million dollars, yes? And it makes me angry because it's the only HIM album I don't have. Anyway, last week when I was working we had a copy of it and this week I was like "I'll just fucking buy it." I get to work and it's been sold. So I was mildly sadface. But then I find we have it in a double pack with 'Venus Doom' for like $11 on my discount. This is cool. Cheap 'Dark Light' yes? But it made me so angry because I already have 'Venus Doom' and I'm way annoyed that they can have a cheap double pack thing, but not just have a cheap real one. I bought it anyways. Just made me annoyed.

But in all, last night was pretty good.

Ok. Here lies the account of the previous week of Matilda's life. Spent entirely with Nikki.

Thursday - I went to Nikki's at like 9pm and it was fantastic.

Friday - Went to Civic with Nikki to meet Ben and Loki. Was mildly awesome. I bought the new Anita Blake comic, book 1 of The Laughing Corpse. I love Anita Blake so much with a fan girly passion. We went to Nikki's dad's house for dinner and I met Chow Chi or however you spell her name. We also watched Wayne's World (party on) and I smuggled chips out of the house.

Saturday - We left for Sydney in the morning, but not early enough for breakfast at McDonald's. I nearly stabbed Nikki during the drive because her music made me angry AND TO MAKE IT WORSE she never listens to a whole song, which is especially infuriating if there is a song I like. LEATHERMOUTH SUCK. *rage ended*

Anywho, we made it to the hotel. It was so awesome. It was really small but in a way that made Nikki and I want to build a house exactly like the room and live in it. We then went to Paddy's markets upon where I bought a new handbag with skulls on it and a HIM twin bell alarm clock. It was the greatest day of my life. And it only got better.

After some chillin in Randwick and eating an inferior brownie, we headed back to the hotel and got ready to go to the main event. We had dinner at an italian place that was only ok... and passed an awesome bakery where I regretted purchasing my inferior brownie from before.

We walked past a crime scene where HOMEINVASION had happened. And finally made it to the Roundhouse where we would see METRO STATION YAAAAAAY. We watched Mason chainsmoke for a little bit... then we lined up to go inside and whilst this happened the greatest joke of all time was born.

Me - "I would like to enter now."
Nikki - "That's what he said."

Pure Magic. Then we watched all the scene kids and fat 14 year olds run around looking retarded and we watched the support band while drawing tattoos on each other with sharpie (see my photos for the Ville tattoo). Then Metro Station came out and Nikki and I began the moshing. Turns out 14 year old fat little kids don't know how to mosh at all, so we made a few enemies out there... but the joke was on them when my sharpie tattoo of "I heart penis" rubbed off on them.

Metro Station were fantastic.They put on a really good show, and Trace Cyrus is my new idol because he was epicly energetic and fantastic. My respect for Metro Station is endless.

I would have sex with Trace Cyrus. And believe me I tried. If it hadn't of been for those two fatties behind me I would have succeeded too.

After the gig we saw a Vince Noir lookalike. And then we got called lesbians by some like 13 year old boys. Then we went back to the hotel and built a fort and ate yogo. Most epic night of my life.

Sunday - After like 4 hours sleep we headed off to the coast. My love for Nikki was restored when she mostly played awesome music. Anywho we got to Bateman's Bay and it was funny because that night the adults got WASTED. and Nikki and I were talking to them and laughing.

Monday, Tuesday - These days all kind of blur together for me. I know we swam in the pool and watched Family Guy and tried ringing Mikey and saved the boys from being swept out to sea. And bought ice cream, then bought more ice cream. good blur of days. OH YEAH and i bought the new Trivium album "Shogun" it's amazing.

Wednesday - I made pancakes for breakfast and we went into town and bought Hannah Montana merch. I now own a Hannah Montana cup, pen, shirt and 2009 planner. Go me. Nikki has those things too. It was magical.

Thursday - We came back to Canberra. I was so tired. I went home and went straight on msn. Then drank tea and watched The Fellowship of the Ring with my little brother and sister.

Friday/Today - I woke up and blogged this. And I'm so cut that I don't live in Helsinki BECAUSE Kill Hannah and HIM are both going to be playing there in the next month. I hate my life.

I take it back. Nikki's staying till August.

I totally voted for Wes on Australian Idol. I figgin love that guy.

It's snowing at my house:)

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Since leaving Merici I've felt as if I've lost a part of myself. The part of me that gave me the confidence to be myself. At Merici I wasn't afraid to make a complete fool of myself. Now at Canberra College I feel paralyzed by fear everyday when I wake up, because I know I have to go to school and face everybody there.

Nikki came to my school yesterday and after she left I was me again. Never at Canberra College have I felt like I could be myself until yesterday. And when I met up with Nikki after school and we went to the movies I realized how different I am when I'm away from school, when I'm not pretending to be somebody else just so people will tolerate me.

I miss having my friends around me all the time. I've made friends since being at college, but they're not the friends that will love you no matter what. They're not friends that make me feel ok with myself. Everyone I know rags on Merici, but I love it, because it let me be myself. Even the teachers gave a fuck about me, and liked me. Teacher's at college don't care at all. What I wouldn't give to have a conversation with Mr Sullivan.

I guess the point of this is, I'm sick of pretending.

Harves is finally retiring. He is nothing less than a legend.

My mind wades in and out
Like the tide against the sand
Dragging parts of me away
And then creeping over me again
Sin comes willingly this time
But is harder to commit
The guilt swirls around me
In a foaming, salty caress
An ocean rages inside me
Begging to be kissed out
Or cut. So long as it is freed
And can roll in waves unchained

So instead of doing my work marathon of 8 days in a row, I threw up, so now I get a day off in the middle. For those I haven't bitched to yet, I'm working 70+ hours these holidays. 3 people quit at the same time and then the manager and the full timer moved out to Belco for 2 weeks because Belconnen is closing. So yeah, Matilda was become a slave for sanity. And Fred and Lisa also took a week of the holidays off. So it's me, brendan and Mel all week.

Ok I have just discovered the greatest thing in the entire world. In OZ Christopher Meloni aka Stabler from SVU who I'm totally in love with MAKES OUT WITH A GUY. Hooray!

Natalie K, I love you. You are my one true love forever. Alex and I are going to come to Canada and torture that son of a bitch.

So yeah, I'm not really sure what to write. I guess stuff pretty good. Graeme and I are a month short of being together a year. Which reminds, congratulations to Dave and Kaelee, who just celebrated their anniversary!!! I love you guys.

 Also Mario Party for DS is so awesome. It makes me happy.

Man everytime I go to post on this I decide I don't want to.

I'm going through one of those stages where, despite everything that's happening, stuff's good. Usually I don't deal with bad stuff very well. When something bad happens and I reflect on it later, I usually blame myself for the situation, or I feel as though I can't deal with it and there's no point in doing anything. At the moment though, when I'm reflecting on things, I'm seeing more that it doesn't matter so much what's happening, that it's not a reflection of myself. I'm trying to ... how would I put it... I guess I'm just letting go and 'riding the wave out' as it were. Sounds really cliche, the whole not letting stuff get to me thing, but it's true.

I mean, it's not like I'm this super calm person who just goes "duuuuuudes... chill" at everything. In the moment, I still get stressed out. Like last week when my Mum and I fought after I stood up for my little brother, I got really upset and went to school and cried on Alex. But later on, when I was alone in my thought, it didn't matter anymore.

Anyhow. In other news, my house is having its bathroom and toilet redone. So we don't have a shower for a week and a half. Worst week and a half ever. I've been showering at my grandad's mostly, but Alex and Graeme have both had me round for a shower visit lol. But yeah, our creepy pedophile neighbour found out about it and so came over today and was like "EVERYONE SHOWER AT MINE" and then mum HAD to take the little two over and then he was like "You know Tricia, everyone in the house should shower at least once a day, and the ladies, well they should shower twice. SO I'll expect you over a bit later." and then my mum was like "well I still have to do my fitness" in an attempt to not have to go over there and shower and he was like "well shower anyway!" Then Mum thought she had gotten rid of him and a few minutes later he came to our back door again with two crackers with slices of pickle on them and he's like "I made them for you Tricia, they're 90% marijuana." o.O WHAT A FREAK I'M NEVER SHOWERING AT HIS PLACE BECAUSE EVERYTIME I SEE HIM HE MAKES JOKES ABOUT US BEING IN LOVE AND HE TOUCHES MY HAIR OR DOES SOMETHING EQUALLY CREEPY. My brother's like "hell no I am not showering there, he probably has cameras set up in his bathroom." I think I would rather never shower again than have to shower at my neighbour's place.

I went to JJ's house on Saturday night for fireworks. That was awesome. I miss hanging out with JJ. I also got a new phone on Saturday. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! New phones rock. It's a slidey one. And it's shiny. Also, work is going really well at the moment. I really love the people I work with. It's a good atmosphere.

And I just want to say something I was thinking earlier. I really look up to Kaelee. The way her LJ posts always sound so empowered, it always makes me feel good about myself and stuff... yeah.